What you mean to me
by IloveCelestialIce
Summary: Was it wrong to dream for Lucy to smile again and say my name? Is it really that hard to accomplish? I won't leave her alone. I vowed to never leave her side. That is how much she means to me.


**I finally finished this story! I was really planning on making this one even if I'm a GraLu fan, hehe, I like NaLu as well! yay~! so this is a small tribute to all the NaLu fans out there! ^_^ I hope you like it?**

**Oh before I forgot! I would like to thank everyone who read and reviewed my two other one-shots, "Happy Birthday, Lucy" and "Happy Mother's Day, Mama". *bows* I really am happy reading your reviews! Honto ni arigatou guzaimas! Angel loves you all so much! ^_^ *hugs and kisses***

**Note: This is in Natsu's P.O.V. that is all! Enjoy reading! ^_^**

**English is my second language and I'm not that good of a writer so I beg for forgiveness if there are wrong spellings or grammar...thank you.**

**Summary: **Was it wrong to dream for Lucy to smile again and say my name? Is it really that hard to accomplish? I won't leave her alone. I vowed to never leave her side. That is how much she means to me.

**Genre: **Friendship, Romance, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of its characters. I am NOT Hiro Mashima!**

******Note: **This is in Natsu's P.O.V. that is all! Enjoy reading! ^_^

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**What you mean to me**

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"Lucy!" I greeted energetically with a smile as I entered a room, a dull room rather. Looking around, I grimaced, not even thinking that the once lively room will turn as gloomy as I see now. This room was made especially for her. I could hardy even remember what this room looked like before but, there is one thing that I was able to remember and probably wouldn't forget; her smile. Her brilliant smile that brightened this room to the fullest, her smile that make anyone smile back in return, and the smile that I misses the most.

As I look at her, all I could see is a face void of emotions as she watched something from the television across her. It hurts me just by looking at her. It felt like my heart is thorn out of my chest then cut it in half before putting salt to it making it even more painful. She wasn't the same as before.

After that incident, after that terrifying incident, the lively Lucy we knew turned into someone you would never think she would become. She became quiet, and when I say quiet, I mean it literally. She began to dismiss every feeling, every emotion and every sensation there is and turned into someone who couldn't feel anything, like she actually doesn't care about anything and everything happening around her. She won't laugh even if there is something funny, she won't cry even if there is something heart breaking or tear-jerking, she won't even budge if you talk to her, not even looking at you at the least neither tried to hear you out. None. And it pained me to no end knowing that she won't be going back to the way she was. To the Lucy I knew. To the Lucy I loved.

I fought the sudden urge to cry, looking at her not expressing any emotions as I greeted her, not like what she always used to do; to grin widely as possible and greeted back saying my name sweetly. I missed her. I missed Lucy so much. I miss the sweet, kind, friendly, and caring Lucy. Why does it have to happen? Why her of all people? Why her family?

Maybe you're wondering what happened to her, right? Well to put it simply, she was traumatized by what the accident brought her. Seeing your parents being killed in front of you, got beaten up before harassing you, then getting…raped, who in their right mind wouldn't be affected? She suffered a lot and I want to kill those people with my own bare hands.

She was just there, seating on her bed, watching a comedic show without even the slightest hint of enjoying herself. As I said earlier, void of any emotions. I decided to call her attention again as I close our distance, but to no avail. She just kept on staring at the television. She was always like this. If not watching T.V she would just stare outside the window with the same indifferent expression plastered on her face.

I always wondered what she's thinking, always wondered if ever she thinks of me and the others, always hope that one day she would be able to feel my presence, for her to realize that I'm always here and would never leave her side no matter what happens. I miss her voice,_ Natsu_, I remember her saying with her sweet voice. I missed everything about her. My mind was flooded with our memories together. I really wish she could remember all of it and forget about the ruthless things that had happened to her. It should never be her. What did she do to deserve this? I gnashed my teeth and clenched my hands discovering that I was holding something. Oh yea. I'm here to show her this. A photo album containing pictures of her, mine and our friends' time together.

_Friends, huh?_

It's been seven years since I took her in my place, with permission of my parents that is. And in those seven years, I'm her only friend that didn't lose hope of her waking up from her nightmare. They say I should give up because she will never recover. But can't they see that with what they're doing she'll be sadder and lonelier? Can't they imagine what she feels without her friends? Can't they see that this is the time that she needed her friends the most? I was angry! But I can't blame them. They have their own lives to take care of. I too have one but, I already swear to her that I won't leave her, even if she can't seem to remember, I will do it even if it's the last thing I do.

Then I felt something fell from my eyes. Every time I look at her, every time I see her like this, I always found myself crying. I felt useless. NO! I **AM** useless! What can I do for her to go back to her normal self? I always stay by her side, tell stories about our time to together making sure she won't forget, always joking around for her to smile a little, but none of those seemed to work. I did everything but it just doesn't work. And I hate myself for not trying harder. Is it really over? Can't I really mend what's broken? Are my friend's right? She won't be going back to the old Lucy? Should I stop what I'm doing?

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I clenched the album harder. NO! I won't stop! I promised her I'll be there even if she never wanted me to, I'll stay even if everyone turned their backs on her, I'll never leave her alone.

Wiping the tears off my face, I grinned and walked towards her and plop myself beside her on her bed. She didn't move as if she didn't notice me, which probably is true. I don't know for sure. This could be the cause of her trauma, or maybe she's just faking it? _Sigh._ Should I be really thinking about that?

Shaking my head off the thought, I adjusted myself to sit cross-legged just beside her and was hoping to remind her of our times with the use of this photo album that I'm holding.

"Ne, Lucy! Look at what I've found while cleaning my room!" I said enthusiastically as I showed her a white album with a cute little kitty in the middle as the design, but she just kept on watching. I didn't mind it since I always got the cold treatment from her ever since _that_ happened so I shook it off and just continued talking.

"It's an album if you must know! And it contained so many pictures when we were little!" I said in a rather childlike attitude to get her attention but as you guessed, she's still had that stoic face. Gray and the others will probably make fun of me hearing me utter those words like a child even if we're already in our 20's but I don't care.

I flip the cover and I was greeted with two smiling ladies holding their babies close to them, the lady with a blonde hair was holding a baby girl with the same blonde hair as her with a lady with pink hair holding a salmon haired baby while tears trickled her beautiful face. I smiled recalling that my mom and Aunt Layla, Lucy's mother, were best of friend. I was about to show her the picture but I remembered that it would make things harder for her, knowing that she saw how her mother died in front of her and by making her see the picture would make things worse.

I quickly turned it to the next page and saw a picture of a five year old Lucy and me holding hands while showing peace signs and grinning widely at the camera. I chuckled as I saw how dirty we were.

"Ne, Lucy! Look at this picture! Look at your face! Hahaha!" I said and laughed like I normally do with her like before. But then I stopped learning that she didn't even blink. Shaking my head, I looked at the next picture. I smiled once again remembering when it was taken. Yea, this was during Lucy's birthday when I suddenly sneezed and ruined Lucy's cake. She cried a lot, I tell you! I apologized but she still kept on crying like there's no tomorrow, even Aunt Layla can't stop her. So I took a fistful of cake using my hands and threw it directly at her face. She was mad but she stopped crying! If only you could see her face! Hahaha!

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Which you won't. Remembering her condition, I stopped smiling and looked at the girl beside me. The comedy show ended so she turned the T.V off and was now staring at nothingness outside her window. I sighed. I guess I'll try it again. I looked back at the album and saw a picture of the two of us with our friends.

"Hey Lucy! Look at popsicle here, he looked ridiculous without his clothes! Do you remember him?" I asked hesitantly but she didn't answer.

"He's still a stripper you know that? Ah! Look at this! Jellal and Erza! Did you know that they're together now? Haha. You couldn't believe it either, huh?" I kept on babbling on and on but still, she won't say a thing, not even look at me at the least. But I didn't lose hope; I know I'll reach her, somehow.

I looked at each and every picture there is then comment something about it until I found this one certain photo that caught my attention. It was our graduation photo with the gang. I wonder why my eyes started stinging again. I miss our fun times together. Why can't we do it again? Everything changes after that stupid incident!

I stared at the picture for a long time. This was the time that I swear to her my promise. Yes. This was when I confessed. I was so happy that she feels the same but I didn't think that _that_ happiness is going to end soon. My visions blurred as tears fell on the picture. I soon wiped it after realizing then excuse myself learning that my tears won't from falling.

"E-Excuse me. I-I need some fresh air." I said and ran as quickly as possible outside. Leaning myself on the door, I let my eyes do its work, bringing my hands on my mouth to suppress the sobbing from coming out. I just can't accept it! I can't accept the fact that Lucy's will not recover. Even if I promised her that I will always stay with her, I wasn't there when that stupid incident happen! But if I was there for instance, what will I do? I'M SO USELESS! I hate myself! I hated everything that's happening!

Was it wrong to dream for Lucy to smile again and say my name? Is it really that hard to accomplish? All my friends think it was but I still didn't lose hope. But seeing her like this every day without a single improvement, maybe I really am wrong for believing. I should have done as I was told. I should have agreed to put her under the custody of the doctors, maybe there would be some improvements. Maybe Lucy was the same Lucy. Maybe I can see her smile. Maybe I can hear my name again from her.

I feel so stupid! I wanted to bang my head on the wall and bleed myself for being so stupid. Why did I believe that I can make her recover? If only I knew better then there would be a chance of her coming back.

I continued crying. I just can't stop. It hurts so badly! I wanted to scream in frustration! What will I do? What will I do? WHAT WILL I DO?

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I breathe heavily before wiping my tears. I breathe in and out slowly to calm myself before clenching my fist. I've decided that I won't hand her over, I believe in her. I believe that I will be able to reach her. I believe that I can make Lucy go back. Or even if she stays like that forever, I will stay by her side. I will cook, clean, and work my butt off until we're older. I will sing her to sleep, tell stories, and stay by her side until the end. I won't leave her. I vowed to never leave her side. That is how much she means to me.

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She's my everything.

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With a determined face on, I heaved a deep sigh before walking inside her room once again making sure I have my infamous grin on. But then I was surprised as I saw her, sitting on the bed. The only thing different is that she's looking down on her lap. I followed her gaze and saw the photo album I was looking at earlier. It's surprising because the only time I saw her doing something is when she's eating and taking a bath. I rarely see her doing anything but stare at nothingness, so it surprised me to the fullest.

I took a step towards her and saw her flinch. _Unusual_. I kept on walking towards her until she finally looked up. My eyes widen as my feet froze and stopped on its place.

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She's…crying?

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For the first time in seven years, she cried. I felt happy, seeing she let one emotion out but I was worried as well. Why was she crying?

"Lucy, w-why are you crying?" I asked reluctantly and started walking again only to be stopped by seeing and hearing what I've been dreaming about these past seven years. My legs felt limp as I slumped on the floor. _Am I dreaming? _I asked myself as I stared blankly at her. I felt my eyes watering but not because of sorrow but something I've been waiting for to feel once again; JOY. Then I saw and heard it again, like what I always dreamed of.

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"Nat…su," she said as she _smiled_. Like I always dream of: I finally reached her.

**..ooOoo..**

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**Okay, crappy, I know,, =_=**

**I did my best for this fic! But I'm still sorry for all the wrong spellings and grammar and tenses and punctuations and so on,,**

**This fic is for my good friend Angie (urusaii)! Even if she's a NaLu fan and I'm a GraLu fan, we got along together, not holding any grief with each other along with our friend Joy (Hachibukai)!**

**Ayways, I'll probably do a sequel. Hahaha, so until then,, *Salutes***

**Ja'ne**


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